When Erin*, 28, a New York publicist, found herself perusing FetLife a few years ago, she was unsure of what she’d do if anyone like her happened to be on the app. “I knew what I wanted, but was terrified of what would happen if I found it,” she says.
Erin has a foot fetish. For her entire life, it had been a shameful secret, but now it felt like something she could pursue, with a healthy dose of caution. The advent of kink-positive apps such as FetLife and Feeld, has allowed people who were once on the outside finally find their tribe. When Erin eventually began chatting to someone who shared her desire, a cloud began to lift. What once felt like something she had to hide suddenly started to feel less scary. “It just felt so good to feel seen,” she says.
Fetishes are widely relegated to the “fringe” of sexuality. They fall outside the norm. A fetish is a sexual attraction to a typically non-sexual object or body part. The person who has a fetish needs the fetish object to be a part of sex in order to fully enjoy the experience.
Feet (and feet adjacent objects like shoes, stockings, and socks) are amongst the most common fetishes. For instance, a person may need a partner to wear stockings have their toes licked, or have shoes in the bed (or nearby) during sex in order to get off.
The science behind foot fetishes is complex, born out of overlapping personal experience, psychology, and social conditioning. But while typically labeled negatively (like all fetishes), they don’t deserve the bad reputation.
Are foot fetishes normal?
The simplest answer is: Yes. Foot fetishes are normal. All fetishes are normal, as long as everyone involved in putting them into IRL action is a consenting, sober adult. We live in a sex-negative culture that demonises anything that falls outside of heterosexual, vanilla (PIV intercourse) sex. A fetish? Phew. That sure shakes the hell out of our puritanical roots.
Foot fetishes are incredibly common. This is likely due to the accessibility of feet (we all have them), as well as the pleasure experienced when having one’s feet touched. “There are a lot of nerve endings in the feet so it's actually not surprising that we would also be aroused by seeing other people’s feet. The way they look, the way they are adorned, and the way we want to worship and/or touch them” are all understandable from a pyschological perspective, says Moushumi Ghose, MFT, a licensed sex therapist.
We live in a sex-negative culture that demonises anything that falls outside of heterosexual, vanilla (PIV intercourse) sex. A fetish? Phew. That sure shakes the hell out of our puritanical roots.
Research shows that common erogenous zones like the nipples, neck, and, you guessed it, the feet are so sexually responsive due to the gential cortex in the brain. Our brains and bodies are interconnected in a vastly complex network of nerve-endings, sending signals back and forth through the spine. When your feet are stimulated, a signal is sent to the brain letting it know it feels good. The brain registers this stimulation as sexual, sending a corresponding signal to the genitals. Thus, sexual arousal can occur.
If we did away with sexual shame and embraced the sex-positivity movement’s notion of embracing sexuality as a normal part of being human, rather than something to be pathologised, we’d all be a lot better off.
Who needs all the judgement when we’re just trying to have a good time?
So, how do we develop a foot fetish?
Fetishes are widely considered to be developed through conditioning. “Fetishes typically form because we see something that is arousing associated with that object,” Ghose says.
In Erin’s case, she first became enamored with stockings and shoes when she was five or six, stealing them from parents’ friends and hiding them under her bed. “It was about the secret, to be honest. The stealing. At first, it wasn’t sexual, I don’t think. But, as time went on, there was no denying it. The shoes were all I thought about. And that's all I think about now.”
“Fetishes can also be learned through classical or Pavlovian conditioning, in which something that was previously neutral, such as feet, becomes arousing through repeated pairings with sexual activity,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at The Kinsey Institute and host of the Sex and Pyschology Podcast. This means you begin to associate feet (and/or feet adjacent items) with sexual arousal, after prolonged and repeated exposure.
Additionally, a fetish can develop out of a genuine love of a certain object/body part in adulthood. Daniel Saynt, Founder of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW) a kink-focused private members club in NYC, says a perfectly healthy foot fetish can be born out of someone “enjoying having their feet played with or playing with their partner’s feet. Foot stimulation feels good and sometimes that’s all you really need to develop a fetish.”
Such was the case for James*, 37, a Chicago-based accountant. “I don’t have a memory I can point to from childhood, only that I love having my feet touched. Who doesn’t love a foot massage? Once I knew this could be a part of sex, I was hooked. Put my toes in your mouth and I’m finished.”
Where does gender come into play?
Are men more likely to admit to having a foot fetish? If you thought, “Oh, definitely.” You’d be correct. But, when you consider a fetish someone won’t admit to, the answer becomes significantly more hazy.
Lehmiller’s recent research of over 4,175 Americans’ sexual fantasies, documented in his book, Tell Me What You Want, reveals that 1 in 7 people have a foot fetish.
“While both men and women can be sexually drawn to feet, men appear much more likely to have this interest than women,” he tells us. “For example, when I broke my data down by gender identity, 19.5% of men said they’d had a sexual fantasy involving feet compared to 8% of women.”
While men are statically more likely to admit to having a foot fetish … all genders are able to develop one. What seems crucial in this investigation is the consideration of how we perceive female vs. male sexuality.
But, why?
We can’t boil (essentially any) complex sexual desire to ‘men and women are just different.’ This is not backed by science. Sex and gender don’t determine your likeliness of having a foot fetish. Social norms around what acceptable sexual behavior is what makes the difference. “I always knew that boys were perverts when growing up. But I also knew that if I were into feet, I’d be a disgusting freak,” Erin says. “It wasn’t OK for a girl to like anything sexual, let alone the weird shit.”
Let’s unpack this: There is a relatively common (though flawed) conception that men are more likely than women (and those raised female) to have a fetish around feet and/or shoes/stockings. This seems to come from the incorrect (and extremely patriarchal) idea that men are more sexual (and therefore, more perverted) than women. A final conclusion can be further distilled from both of these notions. The linchpin, of sorts: The pseudoscientific “fact” that male and female brains are incredibly different.
While male and female brains do experience differing influxes of hormones based on sex, science does not support the claim that male and female brains are that different. And when it comes to arousal, this fact doesn’t change. “Men and women don’t differ much at all in the ways they respond to sexually arousing visual stimuli,” Ghose says. “In fact, gender differences seem to play a lesser role than perhaps [something like] sexual orientation.”
Sexuality, identity, and arousal are not static. They can change, grow, and morph over time due to a variety of social, biological, and psychological factors. Sexuality and our desires are fluid and don't deserve to be bracketed into boxes that further propagate a dangerous patriarchal agenda.
In Erin’s case, it was a matter of being accepted for who she was, not in spite of her sexual proclivities, but because of them. “I’m poly and queer and into feet. Once I was surrounded by other people who wanted to get it on [while] wearing old sneakers, it was a new world for me.”
Whatever you’re into, you’re normal. Male, female, agender, or gender fluid. As long as everyone involved in sexual play is a consenting adult, you do you.
*Names have been changed.
Gigi Engle, ACS, is London-based, certified sex educator and author All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide To Sex, Love And Life. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
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